Match Point
by DeniseV
Summary: A little story of the frustrations of pollen. It's been rough in South Jersey this week, even for those of us NOT allergic. No real spoilers, but it does take place into season 2 because Ronon's in it! But mostly it's John and Rodney, per usual.


"Hey, look. Sheppard made him cry," Ronon Dex said as he followed the rest of his team back to the Stargate. Teyla Emmagen looked back admonishingly at her very tall teammate. Sheppard just laughed.

"Sure. Go ahead. Yuk it up," Dr. Rodney McKay said miserably, ending in a choked cough.

"Well, if you tell me what I did to make you cry, maybe I'll apologize," Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard said as he slowed to keep pace with Atlantis' top scientist. "Maybe," he added as he lightly shoved his elbow up against McKay's arm.

"It's not bad enough that I'm choking and can't see? I bruise easily, you know."

"So we've heard," Ronon commented from behind.

"Yes, well, I got hit in the face once on a return of serve and my cheek was purple before the end of the game."

"You played tennis?" John asked, not believing the scientist capable of ever moving fast enough to play the game. Of course, that would explain how he'd been the recipient of a tennis ball in the face.

"Yes, I played tennis. Unfortunately, just at the moment that my opponent returned my serve, a bee stopped, hovering right in front of me, staring at me gleefully like he knew I was allergic. I was so distracted by the bee that I forgot about the tennis match."

"How did you know the bee was a _he_?" the colonel asked.

"Shut up."

John laughed. "Shutting up."

Rodney suddenly stopped walking, nearly causing himself serious bodily harm considering the formidable presence picking up the rear. Ronon saw the scientist stop short and came to a quick halt himself, though not happily.

"Come on, McKay. Move it," the Satedan said. John and Teyla turned to see what was going on.

Rodney stood there, his eyes blinking, wet with tears. His eyes, in fact, if you tried real hard to see through the tears, looked a little glazed over. His mouth was open and he was breathing more through it rather than his nose at the moment. He closed his eyes, took a large breath, and then another. He seemed to realize that everyone was standing around him, staring. Waiting. He tried his best, when the sneeze finally came, to stifle it and not sneeze all over his teammates.

"Eeeeyaatchoooomph!" He covered his mouth and nose, even though the effort to buffer the full effect of the sneeze had successfully stopped anything disgusting from making its way out of an orifice and onto anyone's face. But he was paying the price for his efforts to save his friends having to deal with the gross mess, and himself grave embarrassment.

"Uuhhh," he said as he moved his hand up to the top of his nose and between his eyes. He rubbed the area in the hopes of achieving some relief. He also had his head cocked to the left, favoring his ear with a grimace.

"Wow. That had to hurt," John said as he stepped up to his friend. Rodney seemed to be listing a little as he stood recovering from the killer sneeze. "Maybe you should sit for a minute."

McKay seemed to be in a lot of pain from that one sneeze. Before that, the effects of the pollen cloud they'd inadvertently walked through as they headed out of the village had been more amusing than anything. An old woman had taken the blanket off a cart, a blanket that looked like it had been sitting there collecting pollen from the spring blossoms for, well, the entire spring. Rodney hadn't seen it coming; his head had been down, putting the trash from his power bar into a pocket of his vest. And Rodney being Rodney, he'd been talking animatedly just as the cloud slammed into his face. He'd been coughing, rubbing his nostrils together and then blowing his nose, and 'crying' pretty much ever since.

The sneeze? That was new. And in deference to Rodney's story from earlier, as powerful as a serve off the racket of Andy Roddick.

"Oh," Rodney groaned. His eyes were pools of tears now, so busy was he with dealing with the aftereffects of the sneeze. He turned and then blinked, the tears finally falling freely down his cheeks. He turned back to John. He seemed a little disoriented.

And his nose was bleeding.

"Rodney," John and Teyla said together. John took his friend's arm and led him to a tree. "Sit." McKay obeyed immediately, still seemingly unaware of the blood. He was still rubbing his forehead, massaging what must have been painfully throbbing sinuses. And he had his head tilted way down to his shoulder. Not good.

"My head is killing me," the scientist said, his voice weak and scratchy. "My eyes," he coughed briefly before continuing, "are burning. My throat," he stopped again for another cough. "Uuh. I don't feel so good," he finished.

"Well, you've looked better. Did you hurt your ear when you sneezed?" Sheppard asked. "Put your head back. Your nose is bleeding."

"Id is?" Rodney asked, his eyes, now wide with worry, and ears finally recognizing the reality of what John said as his nose started to clog up with blood. "Oh, id is." He blinked some more. "Can…" he cleared his throat and continued, "Can somb one wibe off by eyes? I can't see. It's…" he stopped as he waved his hand about his head, "disconcerting. And yes, I think I broke by ear." His teammates smiled at the comment. Things weren't that bad if McKay could still kid around with them.

Teyla did as Rodney had asked, and then she started to clean the blood away.

"Don't," Rodney insisted. "There's going to be bore in a binute. I need to blow by nose."

"Why?"

"Because I can't breathe so good through by throat ride now. And somb one is going to pay if any of this blood gets to by throat and I have to throw up with the way by throat feels," he said, emphasizing his point by pointing at said offending throat.

"Oh. It's gonna hurt, isn't it?" the colonel asked with a sympathetic wince.

"Might it not cause more bleeding?" Teyla asked.

"No. I amb a nosebleed exbert from way back. Gib me a binute. And don't be stingy with the tissues," he said with just a hint of humor. The man was clearly not enjoying this, in pain and uncomfortable in more ways than one. But he still managed to keep his humor, sarcastic though it may be. They pulled out the extra absorbent cloths that they each carried – they did not carry tissues – and let McKay do his thing.

And of course he'd been right, all of his machinations to get as much blood out of his nose as possible had left a real mess on his face. At least he was breathing better. Teyla helped clean him up; Rodney kept his eyes closed for most of the effort.

"You okay?" John asked.

Rodney took a semi-deep breath. "I could SO go to sleep right now." Nosebleeds always made John tired, too. It was more than obvious that the scientist was beat. But they only had another hour's walk to the gate. Could McKay make it?

"I'll be fine," Rodney assured, as though reading Sheppard's mind. "Give me a hand up," he ordered. "So long as I don't move my head too much, I should be okay."

"Like you failed to do on that serve?"

Rodney just stared at him. John grinned back.

"You're sure? We could send Ronon and Teyla for Carson," John suggested.

"No. He has a date tonight. Don't want to mess that up."

"He's gonna cancel once he finds out that you showed up like this," John replied.

"Who's gonna tell him I showed up like this?" Rodney countered, hopeful.

Sometimes talking with McKay could be as dizzying as watching a tennis match.

John reached his hand down. "Well, not me. The man hasn't had a date in a long, long time." The colonel pulled Rodney up and kept a hand on his arm as McKay got his bearings.

"Exactly." Rodney's eyes were closed again.

"You really look like shit, you know that?" Sheppard asked as he walked beside his friend. Teyla took point, Ronon had their six. As before, except for the decidedly slower pace.

"It's amazing to me how you can come up with some very good, inspired ideas…" Rodney paused to take a deep, refreshing breath.

John took advantage of the opportunity.

"Brilliant," the Air Force man interjected with a broad smile that was wasted on the still blurry-eyed scientist.

"Inspired," Rodney countered dryly, "ideas, and then you can say the most moronic, banal, blatantly obvious crap. What possesses you?" McKay asked.

They continued their walk home as Sheppard answered, "Do you have any idea how many times in a day I ask myself that very question?"

Rodney knew that he'd just been slammed, but he wasn't really feeling up to arguing the point. And besides, that was a pretty good come-back from his friend, though to be honest, McKay really had tossed back a pretty easy to handle lob. He'd have been embarrassed for John if he hadn't handled that one deftly. For a change, Rodney decided against going for the kill and let John have the last word.

Point to Mr. Sheppard.

The End.


End file.
